Will I ever get published?

October 19th, 2005 by Mabel
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After reading her post about her ambitions of becoming a full-fledged published writer, I ask myself this:

Will I ever get to there?

I’ve been writing since I was a child. My first attempt was a Malay novella which somehow ended up in the trash bin. It was about a girl who contracted HIV and some of the problems she faced in school and neighbour. I was twelve at that time and drew cartoons to match my writing. I stopped after that, in pursuit of music instead and never got started on writing again until I was fourteen and was asked to read a fictional “My day” in front of everyone during English class.

I never looked back since then. My first full fledge English novel was a secret. No one has ever read it…and it started off as a screenplay. After that, I went into romance and attempted a saga – half of which is incomplete. I remember sitting up till late at night on my old computer with Wordstar (yes, that ancient), listening to Miss Saigon and typing away the first installment of my saga. My sis-in-law, then my brother’s girlfriend, helped me edit my work. I never finished it though. College and then work came along. I stopped writing because I didn’t have the time or inkling for it. And so, my ‘works’ ended up sitting in my harddrive collecting dust.

These days, apart from NaNo and blogging, I don’t write much anymore. It is like…there is nothing left to write. Or at least I don’t feel the same about it anymore.

Which is why I’m worried.

My brother once asked me what the point in writing was if you don’t get published. My biggest worry is that I’ll never have the courage to get published…at all. I’m too much of a chicken to put out my manuscript and I doubt my ‘talent’. Some of my friends think I’m nuts. Many read them and liked what I wrote yet…I don’t know. A big part of me is fearful and I don’t know if that is what is holding me back from really making that giant leap.

Like minishorts, I too would love to be get published through a reputable agency and not just on my own endeavours. I would love to do the submission of manuscripts, go through a contract and all that jazz instead of saving up nearly RM5K and do that whole self-publishing stuff. It’s that recognition thing that bugs me. Anyone can self-publish, if you have the resources. But to go through critics and a filter in order to get publish is what separates the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

BUT like I said early, I suspect that I have a case of too much ‘nice-ness’ and ‘humility’ about my own work that I reckon it is the only darn thing that is holding me back.

*sighs*

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Sincerely Yours™ is all about honesty and candid thoughts plus a dash of creativity here and there. Expect a little dash of humour and even craziness as the author takes you on a literary journey.

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